If Only

A dear friend said to me one day

Have you heard yourself talk recently?

Your sentences end with words like “there’s no possibility”

And your grammars filled with “if only”

If only I have the power like Jean Grey

Imagine the things I can change through my mind

If only I have the influence of the best journalist

Imagine I can affect the way people think

If only I have the prominence and authority of a President

Imagine the change and impact I can do for my country

If only I can…then maybe I will…

Heal all the broken hearted

Bring back families who are separated

Maybe cure all hearts that are hurting

And so stop all the crying?

If only I have lots of money, then I will…

Feed all the hungry

Provide jobs for the needy

Care for the sickly

And maybe eliminate all signs of poverty

But I don’t have the power

The pesos in my pockets are fewer

My chances and opportunities are small, limited and far between

I am not mighty or strong

I cannot do anything on my own

In reality what I can do does not reach even a small percent of what I wish

In reality I struggle with my own limitations and insecurities

In reality I am overwhelmed by doubts and weaknesses

In reality I am immobilized by fear and failure

There are times I wish I am smarter, oozing with wisdom and maybe even shrewder

That I am more graceful and dripping wet with confidence

But then I was reminded of a few things

That God uses us not because we are mighty or pretty

Not because we are tall, strong or witty

But because we have the heart and the attitude

That is willing to say yes to any God given opportunity

Yes, I am not all that

Maybe, I will never be what I wish or want to be

But this I know and am sure of

My life is much more beautiful and secure

If I let my God rule over me

Use me and guide me and mold me

Not into a hero I would want myself to be

But into a person he has created wonderfully

“If Only” is not my chant anymore

I can leave things to the hands of the father I adore

I know in my heart and in my soul

That if I cannot trace the dark paths ahead

I can trust his heart instead

(Created: December 4, 2008)