used up

this morning started very slow and lazy. probably due to the gloomy weather brought about by the low pressure in this tropical country of ours. love rainy days on a monday :-). after I've had my journal and prayer time, i began to surf around my favorite bloggers and i was so blessed by what charissa wrote on her blog. she was reflecting her own personal experiences about her own family and her commitment to our Jesus and her words touched my heart so much. 

she wrote:

 More than ever my heart needs its God. Not one of small stories or tidy boxes but one strong enough to sustain me in the face of grief and be my reason for celebrating. He is there and I’m continuing to learn him in a new way through new stages. I want to remember how this process of breaking into new territory feels. Will I ever understand all His ways? No. Not in their fulness. Lately he has chosen? permitted? not intervened? in ways I don’t understand...... His blend of power and reticence, action and restraint seems so paradoxical at times.

When I die, when all of these remembrances are tomorrow,  I want to be all used up.

 want everything I have; every ounce of bodily strength, every bit of passion, every possession to be given away to someone who needs it more.

What is the purpose of life if not to pour yourself out like an offering for someone else? To give comfort to one who feels alone? To grieve with one who has an aching heart? To put yourself and your preferences to the side for the sake of another?

God has an amazing way of talking to us. when i am least giving and think more about myself he consistently let his Holy Spirit speak into my heart. and like charissa i find myself thinking that his ways are paradoxical and i won't ever understand fully, all of his ways. but i am so willing to be all used up. to be part of what he is mightily doing now.