september 23, 2016

in my distress i called to the Lord; i cried to my God for help. from his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.

psalm 18:6

"if you don't see the need for  prayer, it maybe because you're living in self-sufficiency. prayer isn't for the competent or complacent. prayer is for the needy and dependent. the goof-up. the thirsty".

it is funny when i read this commentary about prayer because i do not feel self-sufficient consciously. but a quick evaluation proves me wrong. i do act like i am self-sufficient.

i have a house (even if it is a rental), i have enough clothes (sometimes they are more than enough) i have a good social life, my friends are amazing people, i have a church that i really love, a family that is consistent, a husband that adores me... etc.  so yes i do feel pretty self-sufficient even if i do not admit it.

and that is really scary. to be feeling okay and less needy for God.

the book of psalm has so many instances of prayer from people who are passionately in love with the Lord.

some words they use were:

i thirst for you

i long for you

i desire to be in your presence

i hunger for you

what about me? what words would i use for what i feel for God?

even if i say that loving God is not all about feelings it is impossible not to feel passionately about Him. no one can say he is in love and not feel anything at all.

when i have found my true love (husband dear), there has not been a day that goes by that my heart does not search and long for him. not an hour went by without my brain being so filled with thoughts of him.  i have written countless journals and letters expressing how my heart beats for him, how much i miss him so much that it hurts literally. i used to think that those were just metaphorical expressions but no! i have felt it!

so God, i would say that i am desperate for you. i want to be more desperate for you and what you can accomplish through my life and the life of my husband.

i want this little heart of mine to continually be broken by the things that breaks the heart of God.

may i continue to "abuse" prayer. pray & pray & pray.

all the faithfuls do. only the faithless don't.