Monday, June 14, 2010

Heart's Cry

Steven Curtis Chapman - Heart's Cry .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine

Sunday, June 13, 2010

tired and suffocating

i was just done with my message.. i have done it twice today.. i wonder why it kinda suck the life out from me... i felt so weak and tired.. my lids are so heavy and i could not fight the feeling .. i just want to close them.

i feel exhilarated every time i am doing this. I know this is one of the things that im supposed to be doing but no matter what i still have to come to terms with myself. i need to push myself away...she's the only one standing in the way of all the things that God needs to do in her life. no one else.

i know i am less commitment more in interest... that has to change... like i said i may still be a legend but .... i need to refocus and re align my life... i have to let Him do it... or else... all and i do mean all.... will be lost... and that would messed up all things and i would lose everything that i live for... my very essence and purpose... then i will be hanging in the air like everybody...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


trust has to be earned. it is one of the basic practical reality when it comes to dealing with people and building relationships. You only start to trust someone if that someone has proven to you that they are worth it. When they have been there in the times that you needed them the most or they have done something to you and for you. That's when the merit of trust is given, sometimes subconsciously, to the person. They deserve it because they have shown themselves worthy of it, they have "worked" to gain that position in your life or your heart.

so, how do i justify trusting someone who has done nothing at all to gain my trust. Who did not at all work for it...? Who leaves everything to God or maybe it was really fate? Its very frustrating.... creates almost a big big hole at the pit of my tummy and huge lump in my chest... the fact that maybe I'm just expecting and anticipating too much....

Could i call that trust? or just plain old fashion longing ... the plain deep and gut wrenching kind.... to be with him.

This is the reason for all the unexplained tears, sober mood and wishful thinking....