Tuesday, October 6, 2015

what a broken foot did to my life

how do you react when you are confronted with extreme poverty, a terminal illness or worst sudden death of a loved one?

in my case it is a broken foot.

for the first time in my life i decided to try my skill in driving a motor bike wearing my below-the-knee penciled skirt. I know, i know. how could i be so stupid, right? But i was.

I wanted to get some jogging pants for the children in my pastor's house and i wanted to go before the children's class end. So i ask ems to drive the bike and we'll go. i went out first, my signal for her to please hurry up (she always takes time to get off her desk, every single time!)

while waiting for her outside, i got the key of the bike and turned on the ignition but did not really let go. pastor ian turned the bike for me since i was having a really hard time turning it around in a graveled parking lot. well, to be honest wearing a penciled skirt while practicing bike, was not a very brilliant move.

i was able to drive it outside the gate and unto the bumpy, rocky, unpaved pathway and i stopped in little curb just maybe 3 meters away from the actual paved road. I stopped because i was thinking, "i can't do this". i was also calculating if I can make it safely to the paved road past that less than 2 meters of "gate". yes, there was a barbed fence separating the dirt, rocky, bumpy road from the paved one and the gateway is just less than 2 meters.

i did it anyway, i felt myself challenge myself and i pumped the gas and the next thing i know i have smashed my face in a bamboo post. i was on the dirty pavement holding my face but feeling something wet coming out of my nose. i heard people scared voices screaming and running to help me. someone shouted i was bleeding and hold my head up but there was so much blood coming out of my nose that i have to shake my head and spit out the blood or else i would choke on it. i can see people - my friends scared faces looking down at me not knowing what to do. they were probably thinking i was in a critical condition and not able to think clearly.

but i was coherent, i was thinking fast. i ask somebody to bring me ice to put on my nose to staunch the bleeding - somebody brought me a very big avocado flavored iced candy! Margie was looking atme with horror in her eyes and she keep repeating, "she punctured her nose", so I asked her, "does my face looked that damaged?"

ate lani and ems and other people called a tricycle and i was helped into it. i noticed that there was some scratches on the side of my foot and and it hurts to move put my weight into it, so i limped into the tricycle.

we arrived at the hospital, there's no available wheelchair in sight, so again i limped my way inside the ER. my vitals were checked, i was asked questions and then they determined there was not enough blood for my case to be interesting so i was left with a PGI (post graduate intern) to deal with. she said i need and x-ray for my head & my head. then she asked me to follow her and i found out then i can't limped anymore. my left foot has swollen so she said that needs to be x-rayed too. i thought, that foot is the least of my problems. really.

she asked me if i lost consciousness during the accident, or i feel nauseated or if i have a head ache and when i said no she seemed to look relieve. i asked her how long do i have to watched out for these things to occur and she said 72 hours.

that's when the worry set in. what if i damage my nose or ill throw up later tonight or ill have terrible head aches tomorrow. I have head aches for very non sense reason all the time. when its to hot or if i lacked sleep or during my period or when i'm stressed. what if... what if... worries i did not have to have since i'm just still on my way to the x-ray room.

when i got the result of my x-ray, the doctor, a junior consultant, told me, "your head and face are fine. what you have are just bruising and busted lip. the bleeding will stop, it's just temporary. put ice on it. but you do have a problem with your foot!

he said it emphatically, almost harshly. he held up the x-ray picture and pointed to me which bone is broken. "you can do two things", he said. "you can have it wrap in a bandage or put in a cast here now. Either way, you will see an orthopedic doctor in the morning. He will determine if you would be in a cast or if you need surgery".

And i was like, SURGERY?????!!!!! What????!!! (all in my head of course)

SURGERY = weeks and weeks of healing, what if i can't walk anymore... and the money. where would we get the money for it. we are saving for a house!

But we went to the ortho doctor the next morning. and he said he strongly suggest to me that my foot on a cast is the best way for now. let the body heal itself. for six longggggggggggg weeks.
i was devastated inside. those are horribly long days and hours.

all my fears came into surface and i did asked God why. why did this happened? because i was careless and i miss calculated the risk. but then there are a lot of people who courted trouble everyday. people who do not even pray for safety, etc.

i already know the answer in my heart. that God has his own reasons why he allowed this uncomfortable and very difficult situation to happen to me. i do not fully understand it yet, but here are a few things that might come out of this:

1. i did not hit my eye on the barbed wire - i have not been back there yet but my friends told me that my lipstick ( i just put on a fresh one before i smashed my face) is just a few inches below the wire. i could have been blind right now but i wasn't.

2. friends who worried for me and prayed for me and took care of me.

- i am not suffering from too much pain - just terrible itchiness and a desire to take the cast out.

3. family who visited me and bought me groceries. haha

4. husband who understood me, listened to my ramblings and mopings and encourages me and just loves me through and through.

5. a time to reflect and meditate and get to know God in a different way.

6. a time to study and read and read and study

7.  a time to be dependent on God and a chance to trust him and what he wants in my life.

8. a time for vulnerability and brokenness
a time to acknowledge to myself not just silently, that i am sooooooooooo limited so inept to deal with life without the power of God

I dont have a terminal illness, nor am i extremely poor, no one that i loved was taken away by God yet but i did have a scary moment. i must admit it still is scary... now though i can push myself to constantly call on God to consistently trust him (still learning), persistently look on to his promises that everything, every single thing in my life is for his glory.

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