|I look horrible don't i?|
I have grown up a normal child -well as normal as one can be in a broken family. My mother was the best. She's have had all my admiration for remaining and being strong (still) even after all of her dream family (husband included) fell apart. I should say that we (my siblings and I) should have all fallen apart too but we did not. We were not broken. When my parents marriage fell apart we fell too but our fall was cushioned by a miracle of God. We did not went into extremes of depression or insecurities or trust issues; i say not into extremes because growing up in poverty - flat broke almost all the time, no daddy to look up too, relatives blaming your mommy for all the things that has gotten wrong because she's the one of the 2 amongst her brothers and sisters to finished college but didn't help out to the family and worst of all gotten herself pregnant marrying in a bad timing and left by her husband to fend for herself and begging her family to help her and her kids (mostly for her kids) will certainly leave you with insecurities and fear of trusting any guy around, but we were good. We got honors and awards in school, we were obedient, we did well through out and we matured.
God was good. We grew up with healthy mental faculties, compassionate hearts and godly characters. We owe it all to our mother (and to our aunts and uncles who have been so generous in their love and support to us).
Now that we have grown up albeit slowly, i was wondering what was has gone wrong in between then and now. Why have our choices gone awry? our decisions so selfish? and our focus ungodly?
What are we to do? I know, i know.... i have to let it go - i couldn't control things and stuff to go the way i thought they should go but i wish we were little again.... so they will listen to me.
I wish I'm not so good in doing the job of avoidance but I am... I am also so emotionally focused on a certain issue or problem until they are solved. If i think that i could not do it then i feel so sleepy all of the sudden(literally sleepy), i'm yawning incessantly until i could dozed off somewhere or miraculously find something that will have this heavy weight on the head and heart blown away.
If someone out there has got a good coping mechanism... a step by step guide into handling this kind of thing.... please, please share your thoughts?